Encounters

A hobby that goes on and on...

I'm fascinated by genealogy...family research. It's immensely satisfying to spend all the time required to dig out and find the information you need to go back further, especially when you manage to over-come obstacles like people being given (and using) different names to that they were given at birth. It's very easy to trace the name changes associated with a woman marrying and taking her husbands, or even hyphenating their maiden name with that of her husband.

So, I had a great deal of trouble with my maternal grandfather, everyone knew him as Henry...in fact "Henry" was his older brother who died in infancy and had been named for his father, when he died, the name was just "passed" to the second eldest, my grandfather, who had been named and christened "Earnest". Now that's fine, but no one ever made that change official, or recorded it. The fact was only discovered on his death by reference to national insurance numbers and medical records, or my search backwards would have died right there, so thank heavens for my step-gran giving me some help. I should also say here that he lied about his age when he remarried, he knocked 10 years off his real age of 45 because he was getting wed to my mother's then best friend, aged 18 at the time!

To date, going backwards with the research into my family, I haven't found any evidence at all of any kind of "normal family" background....no wonder I had so many problems when I was growing up! The strange thing is, so many people feel that way.....which begs the question...What exactly does constitute a "normal" family?

When you look at today's society, the early breakdown of marriages, single mums, single dads...families where "dad" can be a different person to each child..are they any further, or closer, to the "normal" families of my childhood? In those days, they stuck at it, through abuse and violence, bullying and financial difficulties caused by booze, gambling and selfishness, and there was a great tendency for people to grow up damaged and enter into relationships similar to those of their parents, and I have to be honest.....I ain't seen the kind of changes I thought would happen as people became better educated and communication improved.

I don't agree with any woman putting up with violent abusive partners, I don't think that any man has the right they confer upon themselves to "own" a woman in their own minds, I don't think people give enough time and thought to getting married in the first place...I didn't the first time round, my only regret from that is that I didn't wait for her to grow up, and me to mature. There was never any abuse or violence though, I can still honestly say that, apart from trying to defend myself, I've never raised my hand to a woman.

And this is where things get very difficult for people trying to do the family tree, it's relatively easy for me, but how will the child two or three generations down the line cope with studying the family when there have been surname changes imposed on their relatives of the past, it'll be okay as long as they're starting off with a good collection of family birth and marriage certificates, otherwise they are really going to struggle to find out anything about their heritage.....good luck to them, I hope they have plenty of money available to keep following trails until they find the right one.

Summer Fun

So, here we are, heading into the grand old English summer. Just been made redundant...for the umpteenth time...so who gives a shit? I shall get another job, and maybe get made redundant again! Isn't life wonderfully cyclical?

I've ben talking a lot to a wonderful friend in Riyadh for a while now, and we got talking about religion again tonight (she's Islamic, I'm an atheist) and we talked a bit about comparative theology, I said that much of my belief stemmed from where I live....the heart of Wiltshire....with Stonehenge, Woodhenge, Avebury and iron age cairns dotted around, it's very difficult (when you know how and why many Christian celebrations began their days) not to be a Pagan or a Druid. But the subject got me on to the many other histories and customs of my little world.

This Saturday sees the celebration of Oak Apple,

Oak Apple Day or Royal Oak Day was a holiday celebrated in England on 29 May to commemorate the restoration of the English Monarchy, in May 1660. In some parts of the country, the day was also known as Shick-Shack Day or Arbour Day.

In 1660, Parliament declared 29 May a public holiday:

"Parliament had ordered the 29 of May, the King's birthday, to be for ever kept as a day of thanksgiving for our redemption from tyranny and the King's return to his Government, he entering London that day."

The tradition and celebration has died out now as a national event. However, the village of Great Wishford, in the Wylye Valley north of Salisbury, still celebrates Oak Apple. Wikipedia has this to say...

It is one of the few villages that still celebrates Oak Apple Day on 29 May each year. On this day, Great Wishford villagers claim their ancient rights to collect wood from Grovely Wood. This tradition is said to date back to 1603, when the charter of rights to collect wood in the Royal Forest of Groveley was confirmed by the Forest Court. The rights themselves date back several centuries before 1603. It is a matter of debate whether this tradition has been kept up continuously since the 17th century, or whether it was revived / re-invented in the late 19th century.

The events of a modern oak apple day include a "band" waking the villagers in the early hours of the morning, gathering oak branches from the woods at dawn, a village breakfast in the local pub (Royal Oak), then onto Salisbury, where there is dancing outside the Cathedral followed by claiming rights inside the cathedral by shouting "Grovely, Grovely, and all Grovely". In the afternoon there is a formal meal, and other events for villagers in Oak Apple Field.

These days, most villagers put more effort into claiming their rights than in exercising them: the handcarts used to transport wood from Grovely seem to have entirely disappeared.

And this is another example of looking back while living, a wonderful keeping of past traditions, which the villagers look forward to. I hope this Oak Apple Day is a great event and they all enjoy it, and best wishes with this wonderfully unpreictable weather too.

And I can assure you from experience, the walks through Grovely Woods are fantastic, every season brings it's own delights for visual splendour, and the Royal Oak is about the finest place to go for a lunch afterwards, the village of Great Wishford is so beautiful it's well worth a visit, if for no other reason than to enjoy the sight of St. Giles Church, with it's back-drop of Grovely from one side, or Salisbury Plain from the other.

Rainy Days and Sundays

Wonderful, bank holiday weekend, and all it want's to do is piss down....well, go ahead - I'm up to date with laundry, the grass isn't too long, and I did't plan a camping trip...go ahead weather, knock yourself out...save me the problem of a hosepipe ban two months away.

Went out to get a new computer desk for my son Sam today, not a hope! Focus had a nice one, so grabbed a box with him (heavy box I might add) and went to the check out...."sorry sir, can't sell you this, there should be two boxes with this one" - well, where's the other box kept? - "Oh, we don't have any of the other part, we have two of the one half, none of the other" - I see, well thanks anyway! - "Sorry...oh, just leave that heavy box there, I'll get one of the lads to put it back" - Gosh...thanks! (did she REALLY think I was going to heave the bloody thing all the way back to the shelf when they were too idle or stupid to at least put a note up saying they were incomplete, or better still...take them off the shelf!?) The bigger stores become, the smaller the intelect of the people who work in them it seems, which is probably unfair, and an unjust critcism of people who may just be suffering from lack of cerebal stimulation in their working enviroment. Anyway, tried B&Q next, nope! nowhere else left to look here on a Sunday, so came back home, sat down and ordered it on-line, being delivered Tuesday, now I could have done that in the first place, saved some diesel, and done some housework.

I was trying to remember where I would have gone for things back when I first married in 1975, I know there was a shop in Salisbury that did decorating stuff, paint, wallpaper and that sort of thing, but as far as I can recall, everything else you had to go to different places, Hardware shops, furniture shops etc, now it's all bubble packs and everything under one roof (if we have it in stock, sir....though you can always order it on-line)

But the one thing that is going to stick out as a part of this weekend is my next door neighbour....let's call him...oh I don't know...say...."DIY Dan"...that's appropiate...every bloody weekend saw, saw...hammer, hammer....drill, drill - now the problem is, he thinks that eight thirty is a reasonable time to kick off with it, but this guy likes to be awake early when he's going to be busy, so he sets his alarm for about 5.30am, his alarm sounds like mine, and with our window open, and his, the sound is enough to wake me up...and once I'm awake I can't get back to sleep....got a DAMN good mind to go round and pinch all his chicken's free range eggs and have 'em for breakfast!! (actually, I just like free range eggs, so it might be I'm just looking for excuses) and he's quite a nice chap anyway (just somebody please take his toys away!)

Having a nice time here, wee small hours, listening to oldies on youtube and supping tea, looking at old photos, they bring back memories of days gone by, and remind me that one day THIS will be the past too.

Life in the slow lane

That's how I see my life now....I ain't in a hurry to get anywhere, no rush to to prove anything to anyone. I look at it this way....I have a problem with my heart, my blood pressure is only on a sane level because of pills, I have a degenerative disease of the kidneys (membranous glaucomic nephritis, or something like that) I ain't going to make old bones, the prognosis was 5 to 15 years, and that was a few ago now, when I had the heart attack and had zillions of tests.

So exactly what do we care about in life? I care about my children....they're all big enough to take care of themselves now, but I still worry about them, does that ever stop? It's funny really, you get to a point when they're growing up where you think that one day they'll be gone, and you start to think of what you can do with the house with all that extra room, I'm not quite at that point with Sam and Meg yet, and I admit I'm not looking forward to their departure, whether that's the normal reaction I don't know, or if it's a hangover from a lot of years of guilt for what I didn't do back when....

I care about the ones who are already grown, I care about my son Gary and my grandsons, Edward and Alfie, and wonder if there will be a little girl to finish my son's family collection, his sister Dawn has Max and Jessica Jean, and remains an enigma to me.

And that is looking back while living, I do things, feel things....and look back, there are a few regrets, and a few things I doubt if I will ever come to terms with....but the whole point of what I went through from July 1986 until March 1988 was to be able to live my life without repeating the mistakes from the past. I've brought Sam and Megan up free from the bigotry and misery that I endured as a child, they haven't had to live the way I had to as a child, I've broken the chain that ties one generation to the preceding one. From what I've seen and heard, both Gary and Dawn were brought up with the same care, something I couldn't have done without the reasons I had for the regret that led me to find my way to where and what I am now, so now their children can be allowed to grow yet another generation away from the yesterdays, and then their looking back will be on fond memories, not the horrors that my brother and I remember.

So I'm living life and taking it as it comes, looking back while living, and enjoying my life in a way I never dreamed was possible, it's not perfect...but then, who's is?

Sunny Days

Well, the nice weather seems to have hit us early, so I've been making the most of it, catching up with the washing after having the washing machine out of action for over 7 weeks,waiting for parts to come from Beko in Turkey.....listen, really, don't buy Beko! Trying to catch up with the gardening as well, lawns are cut, and me and my daughter Megan had a great day today out there sorting out one of the beds and tidying up, she worked like a beaver!

It took me back to a summer a long time ago, 1976, and my efforts to be a gardner, while taking advice from a vegetarian, I was too easily impressed back then! My poor wife put up with a lot, but drew the line at eating some of the muck I served up, (just don't offer her any home made baked beans....or anything with tofu!) I think the only edible thing I ever cooked for her was fried rice....a long way from the food I cook now.

The best garden I've managed to achieve so far was at Westbury, we had that looking beautiful by the time we moved, but by the time this summer is through I intend to have this one the best yet, with greenhouse and chickens, and we seem to have decided to take root this time, I'm getting too long in the tooth for the endless moving around.

Sometimes

Sometimes, you start doing a thing, and find you get sidetracked, happens to me a lot, short attention span maybe, easily distracted a teacher might write, lacks focus, sometimes people get in your way intentionally, sometimes it's just shit happpens, and there's not much you can do about it.

Sometimes, you wonder if the whole universe is against you when you're trying to do or achieve something.

Sometimes you do a thing with the best intentions, and the most innocent of motives and spark off a mass exodus.


Sometimes you just have to smile.